AMPTP Killed the Television Stars.

Take note, everyone. I'm officially in mourning.

Thursday was the last new episode of The Office until the WGA strike ends. Even though I'm honestly sad, I think the brilliant writers deserve what they're striking for. In this situation, I am Angela, the AMPTP is Dwight, and the writers are Sprinkles. Well, maybe not. Dwight euthanized Sprinkles; he didn't kick him repeatedly and then stomp his head in...Okay, but I'm still Angela, because I'm pissed at the AMPTP. And I'm dumping them by turning off my TV.

If you want your shows back, the best thing you can do (but certainly not the easiest):

Turn off your TVs.

Believe me, I know exactly how crappy that sounds, especially during November sweeps. But, there are other ways of watching your shows. Other ways that don't involve the filthy rich AMPTP executives making heaps of dough. Other ways that don't involve the writers not getting their fair share. If you want to know some of these ways, feel free to ask me. I know several different ways, and I'm more than willing to help stick it to the AMPTP.

Here's a few key pointers to understanding this debacle:

1. The WGA wants to receive money whenever anyone downloads their shows online or from iTunes. Currently, they get nothing from this. Nothing. Every stinking penny from all those stupid ads that interrupt online episodes goes straight to the AMPTP execs. (I could mention that the WGA also wanted more money from DVD sales, but they agreed to drop that from their wishlist in order to speed up negotiations, so let's not get into that, either.)
2. The AMPTP doesn't want to pony up the dough, saying that they're still not sure the internet is a viable source of income.
3. The AMPTP are a bunch of effing liars. Watch this for more proof.

How this affects us as TV watchers: As soon as the stockpiled, ready-to-go, already shot and finished episodes are done, the shows will be replaced with more reality programming. That, my friends, is the very last thing anyone needs. Some actual reality programming scheduled to air:

* My Dad is Better Than Your Dad. I have a better game show: Anything is Better Than AMPTP and Reality TV.
* Clash of the Choirs. Basically it's the Madrigals version of American Idol. Please kill me.
* Dance Wars. It's Dancing with the Stars, minus the washed up D-listers.
* The Moment of Truth. Basically a Meet the Parents lie detector test, but it's broadcast on FOX. What moron would voluntarily do that?
* Oprah's Big Give. I shouldn't poke fun at this one, mostly because it's Oprah giving more money and things to underprivileged families. But watching Oprah sign giant checks in slow motion with Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? music sounds like the most boring show EVER. (Note: It might not be this way, but it's certainly how I imagine it.)
* Celebrity Apprentice. What the world needs now is love, sweet love. Not Donald Trump.

The network that takes the cake for the most cringe-worthy new reality shows? The CW, who else?
* Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants. This jewel (heh) stuffs prehistoric, Botoxed stage mothers and their makeup-caked, underfed daughters in bunkbed-sharing teams that all live together in a mansion during a pageant competition.
* Farmer Wants a Wife. I honestly thought this was a joke when I first heard. But apparently they're going to pick a dirty man in overalls and try to get him to select an over-medicated "city woman." I wonder how much they're paying the female contestants to not throw up. Actually they should pay me to not throw up.


As much as this sucks, let's look at the bright side, shall we? I plan on doing other things instead of watching repulsive reality programming. Some of these include:

1. Reading the stack of 40+ new books on my bookshelf
2. Trying to get through my almost 200 DVD Netflix queue
3. Putting in some extra hours at work (which certainly doesn't hurt my bank accounts)
4. Going to the gym more (which my thighs have been begging for since September)
5. Scouring ebay for things I don't need but want dearly
6. Going to bed earlier (yeah...there's a reason this is at the end of the list)