Ryan Gosling, darling, we must talk.

Dear Ryan,

Here's the thing. I am a sucker for you, plain and simple.

I partially blame this on The Notebook, because what woman wouldn't want you after seeing you be both charming and knock-my-knickers-off sexy? You managed to make every single girl want you for a boyfriend and every taken woman want to smack her man for not being more like you. (Also, your mountain man beard is divine. And I don't generally like beards, let alone love them.)

















Then there was Half Nelson. I acknowledge that I'm drawn to the wounded types, so it's no surprise here that I wanted to jump into the movie and help you with your problems. (And feed your cat and keep it away from your cocaine.) My instincts are not the point, though. Your performance was a spectacular "yeah-I-can-act-you-douches-who-dismissed-me-because-I-starred-in-The-Notebook." A massive, raised middle finger to those who were foolish enough to doubt you. (Clearly, you'll note that I do not belong in that camp. I never did, nor will I ever.) And for the record, the voters at the Oscars were on drugs.

For the past 2 months, I've eagerly awaited Lars and the Real Girl. In fact, when I found out that it wouldn't get a wide release until October 26th, I felt like throwing a mini-tantrum. Forget that I haven't even seen the movie yet, but I'm pretty sure you'll convince me, yet again, that facial hair is sexy. Mustaches are not hot (unless attached to a well-grown beard, that is). Regardless, I'll probably find it adorable on you(r character).

Now that I've groveled at an embarrassing level, I'm going to be honest. I love Alice Sebold, and I really enjoyed "The Lovely Bones," but when I saw your name attached to that film, I was a little sad inside. It didn't seem fitting for you. Then today I read that you dropped out of production due to "creative differences" and now Marky-Mark will be taking your place. No offense, but hallelujah. As much as I adore you and believe you can get away with whatever you want, something in my gut thinks this is for the best. And something in your gut probably thinks that, too, since you had to gain 20 pounds for the role. (Not that I care. I adore you regardless of a stupid number like your weight. But I digress...)

Speaking of for-the-best, I hear you're single now. Don't get me wrong -- I think Rachel McAdams is great. But I think you know where I'm going with this...

You:






















should never, ever be alone. And I'm always here for you. Especially if you look at me like that and wear those clothes.